The time is NOW!

Kenya!

Excited.....understatement!  Every time this season rolls around I always wonder if God is going to give me a GO or not this time!  With a resounding YES from Him, I am off yet another time to be with my friends and family in Nairobi.  The travel dates changed allowing my doula clients to be due two weeks before I leave. (Pray they are no later)

This year the trip looks a bit different. We have a much smaller team going this year and the focus has changed a little.  We will be doing a leadership conference for 3 days.  We will focus on on wholeness, and leadership. We will minister and prophesy over the leaders that have been cultivated there.  Then we will put on our youth conference for at least 1000 students.  

Another exciting moment that I am praying comes about...... last year I was privileged to pray for a lady that had a great desire to have a baby.  Normally, prophesying time frames and definitely sex of a baby is not normal for me.  But I received a letter from this precious lady that she became pregnant within the year and with a girl as I had prayed over her. She is due while I am there and I am believing God will get me there just in time!

With this trip coming so quickly and unexpected for me the funds are due very quickly. I need $2500 by August 1.  Some of it is already very past due. If God leads you to give in anyway, I will get you a link or an address.  Please know that prayer and funds are greatly appreciated. 

I remember two years ago, when God spoke to me through Dave Wagner. He said keep your bags ready and never worry about finances.  This is one of those moments when I am choosing to trust in HIS great provision.  

Thank you to all who pray for me, empower me and encourage me to walk this beautiful calling out.  I will keep everyone updated.  

The Cross and the Tomb

My thoughts go back to years ago when my dad walked in the house and said,"Why do you have so many crosses?" "You shouldn't focus on the death, but the resurrection." My entry way was a cross wall and I loved all the different places represented and the gifts given to me! Most were signed and dated!  I know he meant well, but it made ME question what I really thought. I’ve learned to love examining why I think or believe something.  You see I do celebrate Christ’s resurrection, without it the cross would mean nothing! And I know He is with the Father interceding for me, and because He He is Risen, He sent His comforter in His place!!! And boy in this world of pain and sorrow I need Holy Spirit! I love the songs about death where is your sting and up from the grave He arose; they move me, but for me it's THE CROSS that truly changed my life. I don't know of a time since I was a little girl that I wasn’t moved deeply by the cross and His blood shed. In the same manner, communion never gets old for me. My friend Judy and I started doing communion together years ago and then I started doing it alone at home. It was then that I really began to experience the significance for ME!

THE CROSS....REDEMPTION....HIS GIFT TO ME! His body broken for me was MERCY. I didn’t get what I deserve! His blood shed gives me life, redemption, and makes me righteous! He gave me what I did not deserve; it’s GRACE! I’d be nothing without the cross, I'd be so lost in shame. I'd be the one stoned that Jesus would bend down in the sand and write something until my accusers left. I would stay in bondage to sin, abuse, pain, fear, addictions.....but the cross is my FREEDOM! His blood represents everything I did and will do, and everything done to me. It means I'm covered completely, FORGIVEN! No more SHAME! There is not a single regret or mistake that's too big to be covered at the cross where He shed His blood! He covered it all! Why??? Because He loves us! I was His joy that helped Him endure the horrific and agonizing pain. The JOY!!! His own Father surrendered His son for me. Yeah not so much something I would do to be honest.  I lost my Darren too soon and held tight to the next five! But Father did and Jesus, His only son said Yes. Oh, He could have gotten down from the cross, but no! He did it for me! Again I was the joy! It gets me everytime I take the cup and everytime I see the cross. They aren't just decor for me. They truly are a reminder that I am His joy! And I get to be FREE! In the last seasons another big picture came to me. It was that of surrender, laying my life down, crucifying the flesh, and dying that I might truly live. The only reason we don't crucify our flesh is simply pride to me. Our need to be right?? Control not surrender?(previous blog) What I found out is the greater freedom is going to the cross with Him and laying my life down as He did. I don't have to sacrifice blood, because He took care of that, but I do have a choice to go to the cross and surrender as He so lovingly and graciously did for me. Again the cross represents freedom and redemption! Because when I lay down my life, holding onto nothing...reputation, the need to be right, addictions, blame, control, etc. I truly get to experience the CROSS! I get true FREEDOM! So when Easter and the resurrection are celebrated Im right there rejoicing, but THE CROSS is sometimes where I just need to stay to maintain my freedom. It's where I became a true daughter! It’s where I receive my identity of who I am and Whose I am!

“For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, "This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me." For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭11:23-26‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Control or surrender? Spirit led or soul led?

It's been too long of putting on a shelf His request for me to write. Why? Fear? But when you don't let that have a hold anymore, great things can happen! So here I begin again.


When you have been turning up a lot of stuff, battling, processing, leaning in, seeking, listening, obeying and the day to day keeps revealing more truth and revelation, it just culminates to a place of vulnerability and sharing. You know when you hope someone can learn something much quicker than you....so you share with that hope.

Who has control issues?? Most likely, most of us... because if we are not allowing Him complete control and aren't surrendered, then we probably have this issue somewhere!

As earthly beings we live from our soul unless we change our way of thinking. We tend to live aware of our sin and being self conscious. In this case we aren't being spirit led and God-conscious.

Just like Paul we ask, "why do we do the things we don't want to do" and wonder isn't the old man suppose to have died and aren't we a new creation....? Then why do we not function as a new creation?? We have to change the way we think, quit being soul-led and begin to be Spirit led. That takes being intentional! We have to yield to Him and know we are in need of a Savior.  We are in Him and He is in us so all the fullness of Him and heaven is in us! That's powerful! That doesn't leave room for any insecurity, because we are good in HIM! Our identity is so secure!

He is completely and more than capable to meet every need!

Our gifts and callings are irrevocable. They are given to us by God so why do we try to get approval of man?? That means we are trying to be defined by a human being!
That will be a hamster wheel you never get off unless you become more GOD CONSCIOUS AND HEAVENLY MINDED!

So who is with me and wants to agree that the old man is dead and choose the privilege of fellowshipping with only the new man and being Spirit led??!

It's really freeing, and peaceful and crazy awesome to not have to strive and get to live out of who He is in us!!

I did it long enough the other way that the fruit of that lifestyle and belief system affected many negatively! You see I experienced hellacious trauma, threats, robbed childhood, lack of safety, no voice, and the result of that was living out of fear which led to control and protecting my self. Well, when the lies are exposed and the truth is where you begin to live from, the burden gets light, the skip returns to your step, you dance like a child again, and the future looks really bright!

So grateful for the first time in my life that my pastors didn't give up on me, ran the race with me, weren't afraid of messy, loved me big and saw the TRUE Angelia!

#revelation #freedom

Mighty to save

Laying here in bed listening to the singing of birds, a rooster crowing in the faint distance, and watching the skies begin to light from the sun peeking up somewhere, many thoughts are rushing through my head as I am processing the events and emotions of the past few days and what's ahead in a few hours.

The quiet really helps you to just be still and imagine........right now I imagine a different world...
One with less trauma
Free of loss
No disease
No homeless...everyone feels like a daughter or son instead of extreme loneliness
More kindness and sacrifice
Focusing on the lasting and not the temporal things.

Could we sell it all?
I met a family yesterday as I spent the day at New Life Childrens Home; they did!
Husband, wife, and three daughters, 7, 8, and 11 sold their business, home, cars, all belongings except 4-5 outfits each and left Florida to experience a life they did not know. This month they are living in Kibera, largest slum in central/Eastern Africa, sharing one room and bathing from a pail standing up.
As Erin shared her heart about their encounters, the very hard days so far, and even some loneliness, a tear streamed down her face-she said this is what I miss most, a girlfriend to share my heart with and sip a glass of wine....that was the 'luxury' she was wanting. Gratefulness has become the place she is functioning from now, and not focusing on the material things.

I'm not sure I could really do this.......
BUT I pray this is the place I am moving into, one of radical obedience.  That might not be the path we are called to walk, but the "take up my cross and follow Him" has to be the most important and powerful position I take.

There is so much desperation here in Kenya as well as all over the world.  Last night as I spoke with Fred, Joy Divine Children's Home director about a boy from two years ago, Joseph that he took in from youth camp who kept running away back to the streets, because he only new an orphan mentality.  I found myself overwhelmed to the point of tears of so much need and devastation that I was questioning how we can ever do enough?  Fred made the statement,
"I can only be obedient to the one at a time He calls me to, BUT God is mighty to save."

So I will continue to look for the ONE! If we all look for the ONE, the impact can be far-reaching.

A hug
A smile
A touch
Buying a cup of coffee
Giving your shoes or a jacket
Time............................

Im ruined on the streets!

I’m ruined!  Comfort, convenience and luxury seem so irrelevant right now.  When you see how the majority of people live here on this side of the world, things that were so important just aren’t anymore.  Watching the ladies push just to get a pair of shoes for their filthy, cut up, tired feet and then dance when they got them on brought tremendous joy!  They didn’t even care if they were tight and we had bigger sizes.  I think they were afraid to take them off that they might not get another pair! 

The first women I encountered had a baby attached to her back and I began to pray for her and she passed out on top of the baby.  Another homeless lady helped me get her unattached from her mom as they moved the mother to the side of the room.  The terror in the sweet girls eyes was heart wrenching. She did allow comfort but continued to look around for her mommy. I went to pray for another older lady because she had a stroke and HIV positive and wanted healing, but as I prayed I heard “pray for me to heal her broken heart”.  As I began to pray, she laid her head on my shoulder and just bawled.  Right then I knew that was so much more than physical healing for her. Then there was the little boy named Anthony that wanted his stomach to be prayed for and I got to lead him to Jesus. Soon as he prayed believing for salvation, his stomach was healed and his salvation secured!  Come on!!!

What I saw yesterday cannot be put in words.  The desperateness and hopelessness in the eyes of these precious people will grab my heart forever.  I’m afraid of living comfortable, complacent and ignorant in any form.  I want to change the world for someone. That starts just by loving one! Whatever that sacrifice and risk looks like I’m willing!

Truly affected in Kenya

     My heart is overwhelmed and we have only had two full days here in Kenya.  Spending the first day at New Life orphanage with babies to two years old was such a delight!  They are so excited to see you, immediately running to your arms.  They love the attention whether its to be played with, fed or rocked. The two we fell in love with last year, Ken and Lucas have both been adopted now.  I was sure hoping to see them, but so thankful they have a home now!
     Today affected me deeply.  We did VBS in the slums and to see the harsh conditions that these people live in is so difficult and yet brings more gratefulness into my heart for all my blessings. The kids just want to be touched and shown love.  What does that look like?  You have to look past snot, filth, wet clothes(no diapers), coughing, stench and remember why you are there!  My heart is to affect people, to be a part of change in people's lives, to help propel others to their destinies.  To do that you have to get uncomfortable sometimes! Soon as I dove in, none of the circumstances mattered.  The reward is so great-its eternal!  I spent a lot more time this year loving on the mom's walking around or on the side of the streets sewing or selling stuff.  I know as a mom it has to be so difficult to know you can't provide what your child needs.  I would just speak a little swahili, give them hugs, shake their hands, tell them they were beautiful and try to enter their world, which is so different than ours.  (I will never take for granted a toilet in the US again!) It was so hard to leave today, I wanted to hold one more, wipe another tear, give another smile, if only I could do more!  But I know by affecting one, you can affect a generation!  It was then that we headed to Destiny Community Church in the Dandora Slums.  The man who planted this church IS affecting a generation.  Pastor Kariz grew up in the slums and digging in the dump, a criminal and more BUT GOD! We spent time at his church worshipping, prophesying and calling forth destinies!  These people dont do anything to be seen, they just usher the presence of God into the place and are watching people be saved, set free and delivered.  I watched one man with tears streaming down his face as he worshipped that was just saved and immediately delivered from 15 years of drug addiction two weeks ago.  They worship like no one else is watching!  It was a beautiful sight!  I truly was affected today and I go to bed requesting of God to never stop using me, to keep me in a humble place full of gratefulness and always saying YES to Him no matter what it looks like.

Africa 2012 highlights